I realize that I cannot begin to make you understand but I can tell you what I know from my prospective. I felt I had no choices given what happened. You don't believe that I tried to get help for Marty and you think I was trying to put him away somewhere. This isn't true and our children know it isn't true. I do not know exactly how this misconception began, but that is where all the anger started.
We all think we have the right to be angry sometimes. We all feel we've been wronged somehow. Marriage is a private matter that family should never be involved in. The only people who know the truth are the people who were married. If Marty was incapable of making decisions, his attorney should have appointed someone to make them for him instead of allowing people who had no interest in doing what was best for the parties who were married and their children.
I understand Marty is your son and brother, and uncle. You love him, just as I love my family. You have the right to your opinions. And they are just that, opinions not fact. You didn't live with us.
Marty wanted to make sure you were angry at me so that he was taken care of, he was afraid. Well, the angry part worked too well. Marty has always had a habit of exaggerating. It made him feel important. I knew this. The MS made his personality shortcomings worse than normal. He probably can't help it, and I couldn't make you see it. You don't know how many times I tried to get help for him. You do not know that I worked with Dr. Lowenthal and the therapist to help him. I had exhausted all means of forcing him to get help. Yes, this is in the past, but you need to understand that I tried to everything I could before things got so out of hand that I couldn't go in my own house because you were feeding his anger. It took on a life of its own. I honestly thought I was losing my mind some days because I couldn't make anyone understand what was going on. Some things about what happened are very hard to deal with. I have never lied about anything. Yes, I was angry, but I never made anything up nor did I lie.
It is fair to say you love Marty and you wanted to protect him. SO did I. I also wanted to help my brother who was dying, and I couldn't help him. Marty's behavior and jealousy became so bad I couldn't go in my own house. You were not there. It is true it's over. You want me to forget and not bring up the past, then you need to let go of you justifying your anger at me based on false information.
I have said over and over I wasn't perfect. It is not your place to judge me and nor is it my place to judge you. Suffice to say my family and your family have a different way of showing love and caring. I only want to help my family and support them. They need physical and emotional support, not money. I never cared about the money.
It is true and I will admit I was angry that I was forced to negotiate our divorce with you. I am still angry that you don't understand. I am also frustrated that you don't seem to see that Marty isn't happy either. You made the decisions for him and I don't think he meant to end up where he is. He has lost everything, he is unable to make his own decisions, all the things I was accused of doing have now happened to him. I am very sad that you don't see it. He's a broken man. No emotion what so ever.
None of it makes sense. All time and money wasted for no good reason.
I have no other motive other than to try to explain so that Marty and I can find closure. We loved each other, I will always love him. I took care of him for a long time. I did it out of love, I wasn't having an affair, and I did the best I could on my own. I only left when you became involved and I couldn't make you understand what was happening. I had to do what I had to for Thomas and I, and I know you will never understand.
Please just let it go, you keep telling me to move on, well I try to. It was bad enough that you were so angry at me that you wouldn't listen and I had to negotiate our agreement through Kathy, but there were also mistakes in our agreement. Every time I try to move on I can't because some of you think you can force me to pay more money and keep me from helping my family. I have the right to live and work where I want to. Marty has the right to live without being controlled emotionally and physically. He does have emotions and if you really took the time to talk to him and tell him you loved him, you would see that. That's all he needs and wants. To be loved and to know he's loved. It's just that simple. He said no one shows love, no one hugs him or touches him. He knows how I feel, I've told him. There are some things I can't forget, but I will always love him, and I know why he did what he did. What I can't and will never understand is why you think it's easier to blame me for something neither of us had any control over.
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