I'm new at this, and I want to find a way to help others who may be in a similar situation as I was. I say "was" because I'm free now (except for the alimony!) It's only money. Other than serving as reminder of what happened, it's only money.

I would also like to find a way to TRY to let some of my former family and friends understand that I am not the "horrible" person I was made out to be. I lost 30 years of family (in-laws). Thankfully I didn't loose my friends. But, I did consider my former husband's family my friends. I've learned they were not; I didn't ask them to choose sides. They chose to. They made their choices, just as I had to make mine. The problem is, their choices and actions hurt my children. It didn't have to be that way. In the end, they hurt their brother, uncle, and son more and they don't get it. He's sick, I mean really sick, mentally and physically. There was no excuse for what happened and what they did.

I don't know where to start, but I'm going to try. I think it will help me, regardless of whether they ever read this or not. I was told to "stay away" from my former nieces and nephews, I was subjected to more anger and hate that anyone can imagine. My children deserved better, and they deserve to have the truth heard. My children were the ONLY reason I was able to cope with what I lived with day in and day out the last 16 years of my marriage. My children were the reason I had to leave. No one knows but me. No one. No one had the right to Judge or make assumptions.

I asked for help, I tried to explain, I thought reason and love would overcome, but it did not. It was impossible. Divorce was not an option for me, but in the end, it was the ONLY option. For all my life, I believed in marriage and everything that came with it. The vows, for sickness and health, you do what you have to do, you don't put yourself first.

I'm not going to go on and on; I have to find a way to get to the present without too many details. Maybe I'll post some of the e-mails and letters in order by date - Sometimes I get upset when I read them, but I want them to be saved because I think they help explain a lot of the past.