I take full responsibility for not recognizing that I wasn't responsible for my husband's behavior.  It took me too long to figure out that my feelings were important and that they were not imagined or trivial.  He knew me better than I did, and he was expert at using my emotions and feelings to get what he needed.  I don't blame him, he grew up in an environment that encouraged that kind of behavior.  Manipulation and blame, anger and control.  He wasn't capable of understanding how his actions and words made me feel, he only understood in the sense that he could get what he needed by controlling my emotions.  And I let him do it.  When I finally figured out I wasn't responsible for making him happy, and I told him I knew what he was doing to me, he said, well "why did you let me do it then?"   He knew, and I let him do it.  The bad thing is, once I realized it, I tried to be reasonable and I tried so hard to do the right thing for him. The MS and his disability, I still had compassion for him, and I wanted to do the right thing for all of us.

What I didn't know was that it was too late. For both of us.  His sister had other plans. And, if I thought he was controlling, she was the expert. She has a soul made of rock, and a heart of coal, the queen of ice.  I still can't wrap my mind around a person with no feelings, but they exist.