> From:@msn.com
> To: @msn.com
Subject: to my family
> Date: Wed, 21 Mar 2007 16:46:58 -0400
read this before i send it out. im not trying to cause drama so if this seems harsh or derogatory i wont send it lemme know
> To my Family,
I sit here; hurt, disappointed, and distanced. As you all well know over the last two years I have kept my opinions and feelings to myself. After hearing a few things (and reading) I have felt compelled to try and extinguish this fire that has got out of control. I hope that what I have to say will help you step outside yourself and see past the blood and your personal opinions.
Being the oldest and that I have maintained a steady relationship with both my mother and father after their break-up I have been privy to more information than anyone. There are two sides to this and every story, two truths, two points of view and two emotions. I have lent out both my ears to hear each side and both shoulders for them to cry on. I hear it all; I filter through and make my own judgments. I feel that everyone has jumped to their own opinions based on what they hear from my father or even more bias what they hear from his side of the family alone. This just is not fair, if you feel like you have to get involved first get all the information than make judgment.
I KNOW WHY MY PARENTS ARE DIVORCED. Which I don't think any of you are truly aware of. It's NOT because my mother didn't want to "fulfill her vows", it's NOT because my father was a burden and most certainly without a doubt is NOT because my mother is a selfish or "cruel" person! I support what my mother did, I am not writing this to explain the details of why because it would take a lifetime to explain. My mother has done everything to keep us (Tommy Karen and myself) out of this. Another thing that you all may not know; In Maryland there are conditions that grant immediate divorce, all this would have been over long ago had I testified in court about the conditions that my parents were living in together. Instead of placing me in that situation my mother chose to do it the long way.
"Blood is thicker than water" Guess this has held true in this situation.... I understand that my mother has become the "enemy" and that everyone has stuck up for my father. Its normal human nature I suppose. She is not "blood" and after being divorced you cut ties and she is no longer family even by law. But Karen and Tommy are E---'s, they are blood. I am extremely upset and honestly tired of hearing things like "why won't Karen and Tommy come see your dad" and to hear that my mom is being accused of "brain washing" them and coercing them to take her side. This is ridiculous! Once again there are two sides two every story. Have any of you ever talked to Karen or Tommy about their relationship with their father. Have any of you sat in on any of the family counseling sessions that we attended. None of you have walked a day in their shoes. My point is that they have reasons that you obviously don't know and don't understand, reasons that run deep and take time to heal. They have attempted to have a relationship with my father but he, perhaps unconsciously, uses them as a pawns. "Keep the children out of it" you say to my mother, well Karen and Tommy are both adults just as I am and able to make their own opinions, besides it's hard to keep someone out of something that they lived with on a daily basis. If you feel that they were raised wrong and are weird and have problems go ahead and include my name because we were all raised with the same morals, ideals and ethics. The only difference has been our personal relationships with our father growing up. Once the house sells and things settle and perhaps we all regain some sort of normality we can all push past this and Karen Tommy will be able to have healthy relationships with both of our parents. It's something that can't be forced, bought or rushed.
To hear the statement that my mother has "turned this divorce into a vindictive witch hunt/martyrism" disappoints me and makes me sick to my stomach. If you only knew the entire situation you would most certainly eat those words. This anger and rage coming from my own family disheartens me. Its one thing to hear this if it were true but to hear accusations and slander coming from people who don't even know a fraction of what's really going on is not how I would expect my "family" to behave. A part of me can understand that you feel resentment toward my mother and each for their own reasons aren't compelled to have any ties but that can be easily accomplished by a few simple words. To go off on a tangent of hateful, angry and just plain nasty statements meant to hurt someone is quite low and not an adult way to handle the situation.
Not once has anyone asked Karen Tommy or myself for our version of events, what our feelings were, why we felt that way, if we thought that it was best for our parents to no longer be married, what was life like at your house, did your mother do everything that she could to keep the family together, did your father do anything to try and keep the family together. So before you jump to any more conclusions maybe you should give one of us a call.
My goal is not to point fingers or start a fight with anyone, it's simply just to snap everyone out of this anger and blame trip that they seem to be on. Things are the way they are, I will continue to support and do what is best for both my parents no matter what and I expect you, out of respect for your family (Karen Tommy and myself), to do the same.
>
> Sincerely, Marty
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