Monday, August 26, 2013

I have found a better life. I am free. To go where I want. To do what I want. I can live where I want. I know this is something only I can understand, but because of the controlling behavior I experienced in my marriage and then when my husband's sister and attorney took over.  But each day, each month, it gets better. Just the little things. All the firsts.  My first raise in 3 years.  My first raise in SEVEN YEARS that I do not have to worry about being taken to court to pay more alimony. I NEVER wanted to go to court to begin with. Being taken to court to pay MORE alimony in order to pay an increase in attorney fees did not help my ex-husband.  Two months later, he was diagnosed with a stage four bed sore.  He had the means to have better care. He had to have had the bed sore more than two months. My conscious is clear.  I did all I could to make sure he didn't end up the way he did. The day he decided to tell lies about me, was the beginning of the end for him. Once his family and attorney believed what he said, it was done. Too many times, I tried to tell the Judge, but it was a waste of time and effort. It was out of MY control.  His care was in the control of his sister, and he made that choice, not me. Do I have regrets? Yes, of course. I regret holding out belief that someone would recognize what happened. I regret trying to do the right thing for him, instead of myself.  The only person I hurt, was myself.  Another lesson learned.

I have choices.  I can choose to give up on people. I can SAY whatever I want. I can choose to do whatever I want to. Finally.  Free of the control.  Thankful I have family who would take care of me if I were sick and not blame someone else and punish them for something neither of us had no control over.  Thankful I have family who are honest. Thankful.  Looking forward to  many more "Firsts" where I don't have to look over my shoulder or worry.  For way too long, I cared too much about things I had no control over.  I only have control of my actions and thoughts.  You can't make anyone be what you thought they were or what you want them to be.  They are who they are.

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