During this time that I was forced to leave my home, and (I was forced to leave it) my youngest brother had just been diagnosed with terminal (stage IV) melanoma, and he was told he had about 1 year live. I can't begin to describe the emotions I was going through during this time.  My mother had flown up here to help him, he had a car but it wasn't the most reliable. (If you can say an unrestored 72 Nova is a car) It ran, but it had all these weird things you had to do when you stopped at a light to keep it running. Not to mention the gears were out of sync and you had to learn where they were by trial and error. In any case, my father was here with her and when we got the news about my brother's prognoses, my mother decided to stay to help him. I took my father back home, it was Easter break and I had planned to drive to GA anyway.  I rented a van, and left my car for my mother to drive. When I got back home, a few weeks later, I decided I needed to do something to help out short term regarding my mother taking my brother to his Dr. Appointments at John's Hopkins in Baltimore. There was a specialist that recommended surgery, even though they knew it would only maybe buy a few more months. When your dealing with something like this, you will do anything to find a way to help.  I bought a used car, a few years old, but a good deal and reliable.  It cost around 4,000. I told my mom, keep my car as long as needed. I'll drive the car I bought because it was more practical for her to drive mine. My brother had several close calls during this time, my mom and his friends were there for him every step of the way.

I have more to tell about Mike, my brother, but I'll have to hold off on that for now.  He deserves more than a few paragraphs to do justice, what he did for us, and for his strength and courage before he passed away. Anyway, he was diagnosed a few weeks before Easter, and it was May of that same year that all Hell broke loose in my home. I had the court ordered evaluation requested the end of May that same year. I was so totally at a loss about what to do. I'm dealing with out of control behavior from a man in a wheelchair. I mean seriously, how do you make anyone understand?  I told my husband I needed to focus on trying to deal with what was going on with Mike and I begged him to please try to understand.  As I looked back, I realize now why it got worse and worse so fast those last few months before I was forced to leave.  He had always been controlling, I knew that, but his controlling behavior was out of control.  I wasn't exaggerating about having to hide from him in my own home. I knew he couldn't get upstairs and that was where I had to stay when I was there. He would torment me in the middle of the night, sit at the bottom of the steps and click click the control on his chair. over and over, and laugh out loud, who is going to believe you? A man in a wheelchair? You are crazy.  That is what I would wake up to at midnight, when no one else was home. He knew how to manipulate me. He had asked me to help him, and he'd get up in my face, closer and closer until I was in a corner and he was blocking me in his chair,  He chased me to my car if he saw me try to sneak outside.  He pinned his chair against my car so I couldn't leave. I was afraid of him. Too many things to describe, maybe best one incidence at a time. I just want to explain the state of mind I was in during this time. 

He knew why I bought the used car, I had asked him one day when he was in a normal state of mind. He understood he said. The next day, when I got home from work, he was extremely angry. Yelling and screaming that I was stealing money from him. (the car) and where was this money, and what did I do with this money, you are stealing me blind!!! Oh, yes, he was paranoid or something, I don't know.  Or jealous of my brother?  What I do know is that he was on the phone a lot, I could hear him from upstairs. With his sister. And that's when it got worse. That was when he turned into the mean angry person. Not that he wasn't mean and angry to begin with, but I had learned how to keep him happy and keep the mean person in check. Yes, he controlled me, I know that now. He controlled my emotions and he knew my weaknesses and he used them. But his sister was controlling him also. I know that sounds bizzare, but that's what was happening.  Manipulation is an evil thing, and apparently that is what some people thrive on. I didn't see what was happening until it was too late. Lies are evil also, I do not understand why people lie, other than to keep from taking responsiblty for their own actions.  A white lie about telling someone "oh I love your new hair cut" kind of lie, when you really don't like the new hair cut, well that's not the kind of lie I'm talking about.  Complete fabrications of things, places, people, that never happened, lies meant to hide the truth, and lies meant to hurt people are as evil as manipulation. 

When you are living in this kind of environment, you don't see it, it seems harmless until you are the person that they are lying about. And, the lies got worse and worse. About me, about money, about my family, about my not taking care of my disabled husband, about my having an affair, and one of the worst lies, that our youngest son was physically abusing his father. So, with all of this, and then knowing my brother is dying, what was I supposed to do? Pretend none of this was happening? Pretend I wasn't sitting in my car in parking lots waiting for one of our children to drive by so I could go in my house when I got home from work?  That's what I had to do, because if they were around, my husband would act normal, and I could go inside and expect I wouldn't be greated with being harrassed or threatened or tormented.  What would you do? Act like this was an ok way to live? If I could do it over, I would have had him removed from the house. My mistake was thinking I was doing the right thing for him. Not me, If I was doing what was right for me, I should have had him removed from our home. They all still would have been angry at me, but then he would maybe we wouldn't have spent over $75,000 in attorney fees and he would still be alive.  What I didn't know also, was that during this time, his family had taken him to see a lawyer, Who I must mention was also disabled, and coupled with all the lies about me and our son abusing him, she was ready to "nail me to the cross" and she did. 

I had no idea what they were doing and what they had already done to make sure I didn't have any choices. I was just trying to help my mother and my brother before he died. He was only 36, and he was my youngest brother, of nine, I couldn't help him. I couldn't help myself either. It was too late. I had no plans, I wasn't going to "leave" a disabled man.  He had told me if I did, he'd make me pay.  I've paid, and so did he.