In verbally abusive relationships, there are SOMETIMES signs in the beginning that the person you’re embarking on a relationship might be abusive later. Sometimes there are no signs.

If abusive people are GREAT at one thing, it’s being on their very best behavior when they need to be, in order to make themselves look good and to cover their “Mr. Hyde” face in front of someone they’re trying to impress, get what they want, or in public (because that’s their cover). They are VERY charming people. When they WANT to be.

It’s not always that victims just ignore the signs. Many times they’re just not THERE.
...
Other times there are some indicators, but we don’t SEE them because, unless we *know* what we were looking for (and many people don’t) – we don’t recognize them. Only later after doing some research or talking to a counsellor or reading a self-help book (hindsight is 20/20) they think “uh-huh, oh yea…I see that now”.

But they didn’t see it then. And there may be a lot of reasons for that, but weakness, stupidity, inferiority to anyone else, “just making bad choices”, or lack of personal responsibility are none of them.

So, I think some education is key. Self-education or whatever. Many victims of abuse know “something” isn’t right with their relationships AFTER the stuff starts and escalates for a while. “Something” doesn’t feel good anymore. It’s getting dark and toxic and nasty and they can’t seem to get out of that cycle.

 (Escape Abuse)